At Home With The Macbeths
The Skyes are at breakfast and Lady Skye is opening the post
Mary: Will ye be havin’ your porridge now mi Lord Skye?
Lord Skye: Thank you Mary
Mary: And my Lady Skye?
Lady Skye: No porridge thank you Mary. Just the kippers
Mary: Fresh this morning from Aberdeen my lady (breakfast noises) There you are Mum. I’ll just be away to get the coffee. And here’s your post
Lady Skye: (opening post) You have been chosen, Mrs Skye, for our monthly free gift of £10,000. All you have to do is…….No I don’t think so. (opening another) You can’t afford to miss this new fantastic loan offer at an APR of only 33%. We must be mad. But this amazing offer can’t last long. Write today……No I don’t think that either. What’s this? Oh would you believe! It’s an invitation to another at home with the Macbeths
Lord Skye: We’re not going. Last time, if you remember, we’d just had the soup when he thought he saw a ghost and she bundled us out of the house saying “Stand not upon the ceremony of your going”. Well we weren’t going to say “Thank you for having us. The pheasant was awesome” were we?
Lady Skye: We ended up with the Thane of Midlothian having a Chinese takeaway
Lord Skye: Anyway they’re so common
Lady Skye: That ghastly ghastly wallpaper. Last time I said “I so love your charming wallpaper. But I do miss the oak panelling that used to be here in Duncan’s time”. She said “What, in our house”
Lord Skye: They’ve replaced Duncan’s grampian flags in the kitchen with laminate flooring
Lady Skye: Receive this then. She’s threatening a tented ceiling and fibre optic lights in the library
Lord Skye: No! I don’t believe it! Chaos is come again
Lady Skye: And if I have to sit through another meal in front of a photograph of her topless on a beach in the Dominican Republic I shall run out screaming. She wears the trousers of course
Lord Skye: Well at least that ensures she’s wearing something. She can’t do. He’s a great big tough chap. Last time he bored me for hours going on about how he’d shot a Hyrcanian tiger whatever that is
Ladt Skye: And the language. Bloody this and bloody that
Lord Skye: And the mess everywhere. It’s disgusting. Last time I said to him “How charmingly informal your house is”. Do you know what he said? “All is but toys”. They haven’t got any children. What do you make of that? Why was he going on about toys?
Lady Skye: They reckon to be so Bohemian. But do you know what I think? I think she feels guilty about it. Dorothy knows her housekeeper and do you know what the housekeeper said? She walks round the house in her sleep with a can of bathroom mousse saying “Out damned spot”
Lord Skye: They’ve been funny ever since Banquo had that accident. Poor Mrs Banquo. And all those children too. Well, are we going?
Lady Skye: We’d better I suppose. Otherwise we might get struck off their Christmas card list. We wouldn’t want to end up like the Macduffs would we?